I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize