you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
do herpes really smell.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
