My liver just broke up with me...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
