Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
