It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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