My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
