umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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