i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
