I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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