Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
