Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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