drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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