oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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