So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just had sex on a roof
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
