How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
