i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
