Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
