I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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