I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Girls should come with a carfax report
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
