Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
