I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
