We won't sleep together?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
