she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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