"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
