Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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