We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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