he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
