I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
