I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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