You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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