I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
