i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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