I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He had one of those small greek statue penises
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How external is "for external use only"?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
