You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
