Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
