Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
