it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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