Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
