my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
