shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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