Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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