my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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