I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
