Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
