2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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