I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
