I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
tell me about the fingering
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