Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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