Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
