I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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