I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
