he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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