never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
