You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
