well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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