Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it was like eating out sand paper
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
