I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
