it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize