Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
