i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
