how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
