I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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