I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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