He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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