i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
