How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
