Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
