you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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