I wish I could punch you in the face.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
