Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
