if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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