a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
