According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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