Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
