I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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