i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize