please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
