Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
