It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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