I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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