My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
