remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
