you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
