whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
