remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
